


Thanks Dean

by monsterousdeanwinchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-19
Updated: 2014-08-25
Packaged: 2018-02-13 19:32:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2162451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monsterousdeanwinchester/pseuds/monsterousdeanwinchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is human, and has a target on his head. He has no one to turn to for help but the Winchester brothers. Dean guides him through his new life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Human

**Author's Note:**

> This is set while Castiel is human, and before Dean sent him out.  
> This chapter contains no smut, but I am planning on including some later on.

Castiel was nothing. No one. Without his grace, he was worthless. He knew he was. He knew he was useless. He knew he was just dead weight for the Sam and Dean to lug around, knew that he was baggage making their job harder. But, for some reason, they let him stay. Every night, he contemplated just getting up and leaving, sparing the Winchesters more pain and difficulty. But every night, he couldn't bring himself to do it. He couldn't bring himself to drag his body up and away from the only friends he knew. The only friends that he still had. Everyone that he knew, his family, all those angels, were fallen, or dead. And it was his fault. He supplied the last ingredient for Metatron's spell. He could never do right. 

First, he slaughtered all those angels up in Heaven. He betrayed Sam and Dean, he worked with a damn demon. He ruined everything. He looked down at the Earth and decided to play God. To release the souls in Purgatory. And he was so caught up in playing with his little puppets, called humans, that he refused to see the danger he held inside his body. No, because God doesn't bother with such petty things as Leviathan. At least, until the Leviathan take over. When Castiel returned, all he did was reak more havoc, cause more chaos. When all he wanted was penance, to make things right, he made the angels, his brothers and sisters, fall from their homes. He knew he deserved to be killed, to be loathed and exiled. He hated himself, down to his very core. 

The days spent in the bunker blurred together, they began to lose meaning. He developed a routine, wake up, eat, stare at a blank wall, eat, stare at a blank wall, eat, sleep. He followed this agenda, because he knew he didn't deserve happiness. He didn't deserve to interact with anyone, do anything. Being with Sam and Dean was enough to keep him from killing himself, but he still isolated himself as much as he could, wanting to pay for what he had done. He couldn't bring himself to try to fix things anymore, he knew that all he would do was make them worse. All he could do was keep breathing. Keep going through the same motions, each day with less and less vigor, less and less life.

Sam and Dean watched Cas carefully, never leaving him alone in the bunker. They took turns with cases, one of them staying with Castiel as the other worked the job. Everyday they tried talking to him, tried to communicate. At the beginning, Cas would talk. He would reply if they asked him something, but never offered conversation topics of his own. As the weeks rode on however, he stopped speaking. He stopped replying. It was like talking to the wall he sat and stared at for hours on end. Dean would talk to him for those hours, but Cas didn't notice. He stopped noticing anything. Everyday, Dean's smile faded when he saw his ex- angel looking so broken, so lifeless inside. And if anyone knew what that felt like, it was Dean. But it still felt like a stab to the heart everytime he saw Castiel's once shining bright blue eyes, bluer than the ocean, bluer than blue. Now, looking into his eyes was like staring into the abyss. A blank, endless hole. Once so full of life, of adoration for humanity and doing good, now was just never- ending void. He sat motionless, the world fading into a blur around him. The world that he once cared so much about, once would have done anything to save. 

It was while Sam was finishing up an easy job with a ghost who kept turning teenage girls' hair purple in Idaho when Dean finally snapped. Castiel was sitting in his spot, the same spot he always sat. Staring at the wall. Beautiful dark eyelashes framing the pits of despair. Dean had sat with him for a while, just like always. He talked to his angel, never once leaving his side. He asked Castiel if he still cared about himself, if he still felt his old passion for life. Cas' dead silence was worse than any answer he could have offered. Dean stood up, his face flushing.  
"All you ever do is sit there! All you ever fucking do is sit!" he screamed, his green eyes flashing with anger as heat crept up his face, covering those beautiful freckles of his. Once upon a time, Castiel loved those freckles. Loved those eyes. Loved that face. Castiel had never said anything about it, he was content with just trying to keep his human happy. He had failed miserably. Dean growled, at Castiel, putting his face a mere two inches from the fallen angel's. Silence. Simply silence. "ANSWER ME GODDAMNIT!" he shouted in Cas' face, not caring about how loudly the words ripped through his mouth. All he wanted was a reply. Nothing. The utter quietness of the room after the sudden burst of noise was deafening. As Dean's words were belted out, Castiel didn't even blink. He didn't move whatsoever. The sound would have sent anyone else running away clutching their ears, but it seemed as if Cas couldn't even hear Dean. With a shriek of rage, Dean turned to the wall behind him, the one that Castiel couldn't seem to look away from. He couldn't stop himself, in a fit of fury Dean punched a hole through the wall, drawing his hand back and looking at the blood dripping from his fists. Still, Castiel didn't look at him. Didn't move. Didn't acknowledge his presence. The blaze of fire was burning down in Dean's eyes, until there was just a pile of smoking embers behind his green eyes, flecks of gold dotting the edges. Chest heaving, Dean lowered himself down in front of his fallen angel, his face dangerously close to Castiel's drained one. The next words were so quiet Dean almost missed them.  
"I'm just so tired Dean," came the soft whisper, floating throatily out of the black- haired man's mouth.


	2. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel talks to Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter also doesn't contain smut, but I promise to have some in the near future!

Castiel's words reverberated around Dean's mind. "I'm just so tired..." What the hell did that even mean? So what if Cas was tired? Dean was always tired. It was part of the life. He was tired of hunting, he was tired of putting on a stoic mask around Sam, he was just tired. He was tired of being alive. But that didn't mean anything. He remembered what Frank had told him. "...Decide to be fine til the end of the week. Make yourself smile because you're alive and that's your job. And do it again the next week..." So that's what Dean did. No matter how tired he was, of everything, he followed that advice. But, looking down at the broken shell of a man sitting in front of him, once beautiful eyes glazed over, Dean could see how done the fallen angel was. And no amount of consolation would dig him out of the pit he had dug for himself. But it was worth a shot, right? Dean was a Winchester, Winchesters laughed in the face of impossibility, and they kicked it's ass. If WInchesters could stop the apocalypse, a Winchester sure as hell could comfort just one human. Right?  
"Cas..." Dean began.   
Silence.  
"Cas, say something. Please."  
Silence.  
"Goddamnit Castiel, say something! Say something other than you're tired! 'Cause you know what? You're not allowed to be tired! You're not allowed to give into the exhaustion Cas! I know how it feels, trust me I know. Hell, I'm the poster boy for messed up guys. But you know what? I fight it! When I feel that poison spreading through my body, I fucking fight it! And I'll be damned if you can't fight it too!"  
Silence.  
Suddenly, Dean felt fury surge through his body, seeping out of his every orifice. With a snarl, he swung a fist into Castiel's face. Out of control, he brought his arm back for another strike. Before he could hit the other man again, he glanced down into Castiel's eyes. Castiel's very blue eyes. And they were glistening. For a moment, Dean was distracted by the way that the red of the blood pouring from his fallen angel's nose contrasted strikingly against his raven black hair, his ocean colored eyes. The ocean colored eyes that were showing true emotion for the first time since the angel's fell. For the first time since he showed up at the bunker, stripped of his grace and his powers. The once celestial being was human. As an angel, Castiel had showed emotions. Well, he showed some. His anger, sadness, exhaustion, loyalty. But angels couldn't fall in love. Angels couldn't feel the same attachment that humans could. And yet, Castiel had managed to feel it. The times when Castiel was an angel, he loved. It was impossible, but then again, Winchesters laughed in the face of impossibility. And Castiel was a Winchester. Castiel was family. But what Dean saw in Castiel's eyes at that very moment were stronger emotions than had ever crossed Jimmy Novak's features. Depression. Trust. And, more prominent than anything, loss of hope. Dean couldn't bring himself to strike again, he couldn't bring himself to add to the pain in his ex- angel's eyes. The hunter dropped his fist, and fell down to the ground in a crouch, holding his head in his hands. Castiel's eyes followed him. And for the first time in all the weeks spent in the bunker, Castiel reached out towards Dean. He rested his shaking palm on Dean's shoulder. He slowly traced it down Dean's arm, coming to a stop to rest over the handprint still burned into Dean's skin. Castiel wrapped his fingers around Dean's arm, perfectly mimicking the position he had grabbed Dean in, when he gripped him tight and raised him from perdition.   
Castiel remembered going to get the Righteous Man. He remembered his orders. But they became so much more than that. The moment Castiel laid eyes on Dean in Hell, he knew he was never going to be the same. What he had expected to see was Dean confirming the hope that all the angels had in him. But what he saw was different. What he saw was the Righteous Man, the hero, the chosen boy, standing over bodies. He had been holding a blade over his head, and in one moment, he was sinking the knife deep into the heart of his victim. He was cackling. And when the angel had looked into the man's eyes, he saw happiness. More than that... he saw satisfaction. No guilt. The love for what he was doing ran deep through the hunter's veins. Castiel's belief in this man shattered. In an instant. Gone. But as he peered at this man, he saw something else in the green eyes of the would be hero. He saw depression. Loss of hope. Crushing, agonizing defeat. The Righteous Man had given in to what he was born to be. A monster. A killer. And he couldn't have stopped it. The hunter was broken beyond repair. Shattered into a million pieces. But Castiel couldn't ignore his orders. The Righteous Man must be saved. So the angel had reached a massive wing out, shielding the hunter. He then lifted a hand, and wrapped his fingers around Dean's arm. When Dean had looked up, the exhilaration and excitement was still shining in his face. As Castiel looked at him, he could see faint traces of a demon's true face beneath the blood covered features of Dean's. He could see horns spiraling out of the head, black eyes glaring maliciously at him. Castiel began to lift Dean. He had to get him out before the Righteous Man truly transformed into something there was no going back from. And the moment that Castiel had grabbed Dean, Castiel forgave him for everything he had done. Because he felt the goodness radiating from Dean's skin. The pure wave of goodness. And nothing could change that. Not even that the hunter had given in not only to Alastair, but to his inner demons as well. At his very core, Dean was good. More good than anyone else on the planet. In the solar system. Castiel, an angel, incapable of love vowed, from that moment on, to devote his life to the green eyed man that later made him rebel from the only life he had ever known. Castiel remembered when God created dinosaurs, and yet he had never touched anything more beautiful than the human he saved.   
Dean glanced up, shivering at the touch on his arm. The black haired man gazed back at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty busy with school right now, but I will try to post another chapter maybe later tonight, tomorrow, or Saturday. Comment what you think so far!


	3. Maybe not so alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean helps Cas clean up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still no smut! Don't worry though, it's coming! I will probably have some the chapter after next.  
> SO MUCH SEXUAL TENSION

It was Dean that broke the silence. He cleared his throat and stood up, Castiel's hand falling limply down.  
"Come on, Cas," Dean said gruffly. "Let's get you cleaned up."  
Castiel slowly stood up, and turned his back to the wall. The wall that had been the only thing that he let himself look at. He knew that he didn't even deserve to look at a blank wall, and yet he found himself indulging in the vision of the most beautiful thing in the world. Dean. He had been refusing to meet the hunter's gaze, refusing to utter a word. All because he believed he didn't deserve it. Only someone of goodness as pure as Dean's deserved to look at that green eyed man. But Cas couldn't bring himself to tear his eyes away from Dean. And a part of him, a small part, knew that he had just crossed the first stepping stone on the road to forgive himself.  
Castiel allowed himself to be led to the bathroom. Once, inside, Dean wordlessly started the shower, and got out a clean towel. Once he was convinced that the water temperature was just right for his would be angel, he stepped aside.  
"Shower. You haven't bathed in weeks, you stink." Dean said it in good humor, but Cas could tell he was just trying to mask his real emotions. Before Castiel could say anything, Dean walked out, closing the door behind him.  
Castiel turned to the shower, and stepped in. Then, realizing he had forgotten to remove his clothing, he stepped out again. He stripped down, until he was staring at Jimmy Novak's nude reflection in the mirror. Castiel traced his fingers over his tattoo, one of the only things that still belonged to him. No one else. His gaze traveled up to his eyes, which were outlined with dark circles. The blue of his iris' looked more burned out than they had been when Castiel first took Jimmy Novak's body. But everytime he looked at Dean, he eyes became even brighter than ever. Castiel turned back to the shower.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean was in the basement with Crowley again. He wasn't exactly sure what he was doing down there at that moment, Sam would kill him if he knew that Dean was interrogated Crowley alone. They were trying to get Crowley to give them the name of every demon possessing a human on Earth. He couldn't really concentrate though. His mind kept flashing back to the image of Cas. And in his head, he thought of the ex- angel as his. His precious Castiel. Dean couldn't think about that right now. Crowley may be a demon, but he was nothing compared to the demons inside of his head.  
"I'll ask you one last time Crowley. What. Are. Their. Names?!" Dean shouted, grabbing Crowley's jaw, yanking it open, and pouring hot holy water down the monster's throat. Crowley screamed and gagged, but when he drew air in again he was laughing.  
"Is that all you've got Dean? I expected more from you." He laughed again. "I thought that you were supposed to be an expert on torturing, after all those years you did it in Hell."  
Dean clenched his jaw.  
"Oh Dean, the Righteous Man. Not a very good one. Your daddy, oh, he lasted much longer than you did... He just took the torture, never giving in. I guess you were his biggest disappointment then, weren't you?" The heavily british accented voice continued, a leer growing on Crowley's face.  
"Shut up." Dean ordered, his whole body shaking. Crowley threw his head back laughing.  
"You know, Castiel watched you. Pretty boy Angel of the Lord Castiel watched you slice and carve into those souls. He knows what you did. He knows what you really are."  
Dean was shaking too hard to reply. Crowley leaned forward against his restraints, and put his face dangerously close to Dean's.  
"A monster..."  
"I said, SHUT UP!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Castiel turned off the shower, watching the nozzle until no more drips came out. He stepped out, wrapping the fluffy towel around his waist. He stood in front of the now fogged up mirror. Cas reached out and dragged his hand through condensed water vapor. What was revealed was a jagged portrait of his face reflected back to him. He gathered up his still wet clothes from the shower spray. He stepped forward and opened the door just as Dean stormed towards him.  
Dean could have sworn, that in that second, his heart stopped. Nothing mattered other than his angel. His. Castiel was standing there muscular arms holding crumpled fabric, tattoo written over the perfect V of his hipbones. His back flexed as he moved, revealing his protruding muscles. And his face. Oh, his face. He truly looked like an angel. His eyes, now looking at Dean were the brightest blue imaginable. His dark, thick lashes framed them, his cheekbones glistening with droplets of water. When he blinked, tiny drops fell from his eyelashes. His stubble was too long, his black hair sticking up in all angles, shining with water. The was his body shimmered, glistened, he looked angelic. And that white towel just added to the beautiful image. And oh god, that towel was slung so low on Castiel's hips and....  
No. No, no, no. Dean shook his head, trying to clear the thoughts.  
"Go get dressed," he said assertively, trying to calm his nerves down.  
"I don't have any clothes..." Castiel muttered.  
Dean closed his eyes, but when he opened them he was still imagining all the possible ways to please the beautiful man in front of him. The angel. Ignoring his thoughts, he walked towards Castiel.  
"You can borrow some of mine. C'mon."  
Castiel nodded, and turned on his heel, walking towards Dean's room. Dean followed. Upon entering, Castiel immediately dropped his dirty clothes, and walked over to Dean's closet. Dean dared not come in, he stayed leaning against the doorframe. Once Castiel was satisfied with the clothing he had gotten out, he turned his back on Dean. And dropped the towel.  
Dean couldn't breath. He couldn't. He couldn't tear his gaze away from the breathtaking beauty of that curve in Castiel's lower back, the perfect swell of his ass. All too soon, Cas had pulled Dean's clothes on.  
Dean still hadn't taken a breath when Cas turned around to face him. Seeing the ex- angel wearing Dean's thin old sweatpants and his favorite Led Zepplin T- shirt finally caused Dean to breath. But it was a sharp intake of oxygen, designed to hide the moan he was about to let out. Castiel payed no notice to Dean's obvious discomfort, and walked up to the hunter.  
"What now?" he asked innocently, wide blue eyes looking up imploringly into Dean's green ones. Dean gulped, his Adam's apple bobbing.  
"Now you need to shave," he said, stepping back from Castiel. He all but ran back into the bathroom. Cas walked in slowly after him, confused by Dean's actions. Dean grabbed shaving cream and a razor, shoving them towards Cas, who in turn plucked them out of his hands delicately with his strong hands. Dean watched, rooted to the spot, as Cas turned to the mirror. It was clear of fogged now, and Cas could see Dean staring at him, transfixed. He squirted out the foaming scrub onto his hands, before spreading it over his face. He rinsed his hands before picking up the razor again, and bringing it up to his face. He ran it down his chin, gasping when he nicked himself.  
Dean stepped forward, breaking his gaze on Castiel. Looking down, he grabbed the razor, and took a deep breath before bringing his gaze back up. He was so close to Castiel, he could feel the warm air coming out of his lips...  
No.  
Dean brought the razor back up between them, and settled it on Castiel's face. Cas stood silent and still and Dean shaved him. He couldn't help but notice the way Dean touched him, how carefully he did it. How he caressed Castiel's skin after he washed the shaving cream off, how he held Cas' face so delicately.  
Dean coughed, stepping back to look at his handiwork. Perfect. But then again, when had Castiel not been perfect in Dean's eyes?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try to post the next chapter tomorrow, but I might not get around to it until Saturday. Any comments would be greatly appreciated!


	4. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sam help Castiel through his recovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Smut next chapter! I promise! And please, please, please, please, PLEASE comment what you think so far!

After Dean had successfully gotten Cas ready for bed, Dean collapsed on his own. He groaned, rubbing his eyes with his fists. Putting his hands down by his sides, he stared up at the ceiling. He couldn't comprehend what he was feeling. Surely it was just happiness that he made the first step to having his best friend back. Right? Castiel hadn't spoken a word to either Winchester for weeks, and Dean got him to get up. To get up from that goddamn chair facing that goddamn blank wall. Castiel hadn't even gotten up to go to bed for a long time. He slept in the chair, not believing that he deserved anything more comfortable. He only got up to use the bathroom, and to occasionally grab meager amounts of food. Always with a blank look in his eyes. And it was Dean who finally achieved what he and Sam were trying for almost a month. He had gotten his angel to speak. To function. Sort of. Cas had taken a shower, all by himself. That was a massive step towards improvement. That must be why Dean was feeling like that, his mind constantly on Cas, constantly remembering how graceful the curve of his back was, how muscular his back and arms were, the way the sprawling writing of his tattoo was splayed there on his abdomen. How beautiful those eyes were. How amazing the moment felt when Cas' eyes went from blank holes into the abyss to the brilliant blue gems Dean was used to. How Castiel's hair glistened after his shower, how his ass was perfectly rounded... Those thoughts were just coming from his emotional state, with his angel who had been in a period of severe depression.  
It was while Dean was lying there, his mind racing so much that he didn't hear the soft padding of socked feet walking to his room. He was jerked out of his reverie at the tentative knocks on the door. What the hell? Sam wasn't supposed to be back until the next afternoon, so who was it. Dean got up, his muscles aching in defiance. Groaning slightly, he opened the door. To his surprise, it was Cas who was standing there. Cas still dressed in Dean's clothes, his eyes questioning and apologetic.  
"What is it Cas?" Dean asked, concern flooding his face.  
"I was... having nightmares," Castiel uttered, looking ashamed and staring down at his feet.  
"That's okay... You ever had them before?" Dean stepped aside to let his angel in. Castiel didn't move, he seemed rooted to the spot.  
"Well... ye- yes..." Cas muttered, color rising in his cheeks.  
"Why didn't you tell me Cas? I could have helped! Damnit Castiel!" Dean grumbled, taking Castiel's hand without thinking and leading him to the bed. He sat down, Castiel following. When Dean realized that his fingers were still intertwined with Castiel's, he coughed and quickly grabbed his hand back.  
"I... I didn't believe you could help," Cas whispered.  
"Like hell you thought that! Cas, you know I would find a way to help you! Fucking christ Cas, you need to stop doing this! You need to stop holding this in! Look, you're human. It sucks. I know. I'm human too. But you can't treat yourself like this Cas! You just can't!"  
Castiel jerked his eyes up, blue meeting green. Anger filled his voice.  
"You don't know! You don't! You don't know what it's like to fall from grace! You have been an insignificant speck on this planet since my father allowed you to be brought into creation! I WAS AN ANGEL! I was an angel Dean! I had the power to make a difference in the world-"  
"And I haven't? In case you forgot, my 'insignificant' brother and I saved the world once! And it doesn't seem that you helped this planet much as an angel! Let's see, slaughtering thousands, playing God, shall I go on?"  
"Exactly Dean! I did do no good as an angel! I didn't deserve to be one! But I don't even deserve to be human! Don't you understand? I don't deserve anything! That's why I haven't allowed myself to speak, to look at you! Because talking to you makes me happy! Watching humanity, it makes me happy! So I watched a wall. My wall didn't make me happy! You should have just left me there!"  
Dean sat there in shock, staring at Castiel's heaving chest.  
"CASTIEL. I don't care what you did! Look, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it. I know that your intentions were always pure. I know! I need you buddy. Just let me help you. Please."  
"No one can help! Not even killing me would help! Because I still ruined this god forsaken planet. I ruined everything. I'm so sorry Dean. I've let you down in every way imaginable. I'm sorry." Tears were dangerously close to spilling from those blue eyes. "I can't sleep Dean... I just can't. When I sleep, they come. They come to haunt me. I deserve it, I know, but I can't take it anymore!"  
"Who comes to you? Cas?"  
"They do! All of them! All the souls, all the angels, all the people I've let down! And..."  
"And what?"  
"You."  
Stunned silence.  
"Me?"  
"Yes. You. As a demon."  
"Oh Cas, you know I won't become a demon. Not ever. I will always be right here for you."  
"Dean..."  
Dean and Castiel both became aware of their situation, somehow they had ended up a lot closer together on the bed, Dean's arm wrapped around Cas' shoulder. Clearing his throat awkwardly, Dean withdrew his hand.  
"Come on Cas. You can sleep here tonight."  
"But this is your bed Dean!" Cas exclaimed in confusion.  
"We can share it tonight."  
Dean stripped down to his boxers and settled down in his bed. Castiel snuggled down under the covers. Instinctively, Dean reached out, turning Castiel around and hugging him tight. Cas decided we quite liked this position.  
Quietly, Cas whispered: "You know I didn't mean it when I said you were insignificant. You are everything."  
Castiel had no nightmares that night.  
No Dean with black eyes, no dead Sam. No visions of all his brothers and sisters laying dead in the garden. None of the cries and pleas for help ringing out at him.  
And Dean, he didn't dream about Cas, the broken Cas, the one who stared at the wall. He dreamt about the angel right next to him.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The next afternoon, Sam returned. The shock and happiness was clearly written on his face when he saw the freshly shaved and bathed Castiel. He knew it would be a long journey until Cas was himself again, but the first page of the story was already written.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Occasionally, Sam and Dean would pass by Castiel's room at night, and hear Cas screaming in his sleep.  
"You don't understand!" They'd hear.  
"You don't know! I am nothing! Do you have any idea how worthless I am? How useless? Why can't you understand!"  
On those nights, Dean would climb into bed with the angel, pulling him close until his sobs and screams subsided. Those mornings, Sam would make breakfast, bringing it to Cas.  
Eventually, Cas began accompanying the Winchester's on hunts.  
He slowly began to feel better and better. Never complete, but better. He still believed that if he disappeared, nothing would change for his best friends. He believed that they would go on how they were. He believed that he didn't matter. But slowly, very slowly, he began to feel wanted.  
But there were always the nights. The nights were the worst. Sleeping alone, all his worries came flooding back to him. And every night, he would realize again that he was just baggage. Not needed. Hell, he probably slowed the boys down. But he couldn't bring himself to leave the only people he loved.  
The feeling for Dean persisted. In a way, Castiel had always known that he loved that hunter, the one that was dead inside. Around Castiel, Dean didn't seem so dead.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
One night, the Winchesters were walking past Castiel's room in the bunker to their respective ones, when they heard his screams. Finally, Sam decided that they needed to wake the sleeping angel. To talk to him. So Sam gently shook the writhing man out of his slumber. As soon as those terrified blue eyes opened, Cas knew that this was the day he had been dreading for all his millenium alive. The Winchesters were going to tell him they didn't want him, they were going to tell him to leave. But the first words out of Sam's mouth were not the waterfall of hurt Castiel had expected. Instead, a soft voice spoke.  
"Castiel... We love you man. Even though Dean won't say it because he's a stubborn asshole"- this earned a snort from the green eyed man, "-it's true. It will never not be. We want you here. You are worth a hell of a lot more than you give yourself credit for."  
Dean awkwardly stepped forward, pushing Sam aside. "You are anything but dead weight Cas. You are the best person we could ever ask for."  
With that, they left. Castiel was there, wide eyed, staring at where the forms of his best friends had once occupied. A smile spread across his face, his eyelids drooping sleepily. He dreamed about Dean. Not demon Dean, but his Dean. The man with the shining green eyes. The man who was os full of self hatred that he didn't want to be saved. But in his dreams, this man was happy. And with Castiel.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Dean tossed and turned that night. He couldn't stop thinking about his little fallen angel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, (with smut), will be out soon!


	5. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam goes out on a hunt for a wendigo, leaving Dean and Castiel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAA SMUT

Sam had just left the bunker. They had heard about a case, most likely a wendigo, but Sam had insisted on taking it alone. He had left with a slight smirk on his face leaving Dean and Castiel at the bunker. Sam had left that morning. Dean was still in bed, but Cas got up to see Sam off. After the tall hunter left, Castiel walked to the kitchen. He stared with intensity at the stove. He was determined to surprise Dean with a breakfast of his hunter's favourite food in bed. Pie. It might not be a traditional breakfast, but Cas knew Dean loved it. And the fallen angel would stop at nothing to keep Dean happy. And then again, when had falling in love with your charge that resulted in your fall from grace been traditional? Furrowing his brow, Cas stepped forward and got to work.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Dean woke up to the smell of smoke. Coughing, he sat up, wondering what the hell was going on. He yawned and rubbed his eyes before swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. He ambled out of his room, not bothering to put anything on other than his raggedy sweatpants he had slept in. Could Sam be burning something? No, he had told Dean he was leaving in the morning to kill that monster that had already taken four campers. 'Maybe Sammy brought the wendigo back here to burn it,' Dean wondered sleepily, still disoriented from sleeping. Chuckling at his ridiculous thought, he turned into the kitchen. He was not prepared for the sight that he was met with. What he saw was jam. Jam everywhere. And pie crust. Everywhere. And a very flustered Castiel repeatedly throwing pitchers of water in an attempt to turn off the burner. Castiel turned back to the sink to frantically fill the jug up with more water when he saw Dean. He blushed a deep crimson red. Dean's mouth was ajar, barely holding in his laughter. But he just lost it when he saw Cas. Cas' face was streaked with blue and purple jam, and had uncooked dough on splattering his hair. His jaw was covered in stubble from the night, and his angelic blue eyes shined brightly, wide and adorable. He wasn't wearing a shirt, but he had on an apron with little pink and yellow flowers covering it. He had his arms reaching towards the sink when he froze, holding the heave water pitcher. Each and every muscle was defined in his biceps and triceps, his strong hands clutched tightly around the glass. As Dean laughed Cas spluttered out:  
"I'm so sorry Dean, I just thought... I just wanted to help... Dean- I-"  
"Cas. Were you trying to bake me a pie?"  
Cas, looking ashamed and apologetic lowered his head and nodded. Dean strode over to the oven and turned off the burner. Why the hell Cas was trying to use the burner to bake was beyond him. All of Dean's sensibility left him. All he could think was that this man before him- this blue eyed angel- had tried to make him pie.   
Cas stared at his feet, embarrassed. All he wanted was to show Dean how much he cared, all he wanted- he felt a warm pressure on his chin, tilting his face up. Looking up through his black hair, he was met with Dean Winchester's face. Dean Winchester's green eyes. Dean WInchester's perfect freckles. His perfect golden- brown stubble. And his perfect lips. His perfect plump, pink lips. Dean ran his thumb down Castiel's bottom lip before closing the distance between him and the fallen angel. When Castiel felt the warm pressure of Dean's mouth against his, he couldn't believe it. He froze, his arms pinned down by his sides.   
Dean pulled back, concern evident on his face. "I'm sorry Cas, I just- I'm not- I didn't mean- I just thought-" Dean stuttered out, those long eyelashes blinking rapidly in an attempt to cover up his disappointment. "Cas, I-"  
Dean was cut off by Castiel throwing his arms around him, pressing their bodies against each other, warm skin against warm skin. The blue eyed man crushed his lips to Dean's, with a quiet desperation. Dean was shocked, but he relaxed into the kiss. It was he who deepened it. He swiped his tongue over Castiel's lips, requesting for entry. Castiel happily obliged, opening his mouth to let Dean in. Dean licked all around the inside of his angel's mouth, tasting every bit. Cas tasted like pie. Cas and pie. Two of Dean's favourite things, after his baby. Well, maybe Cas came before the Impala. Dean chuckled, and Cas took the opportunity to lightly bite down on his bottom lip. Castiel lightly sucked that plump lip, eliciting a delicious moan from Dean's mouth.   
Dean pulled away. Cas looked hurt and alone until Dean grabbed him by the hand and pulled him down the hall to his room. Dean entered ahead of Cas, pulling him around in front of the bed. Dean slammed his lips back onto those of Cas, not wanting to break the kiss. Castiel felt strong hands creep around his back, and felt the strings holding the ridiculous apron being loosened. Dean pulled away again, just for a second, long enough to tear that stupid piece of cloth away from them. He shoved Cas backward onto the bed, following and landing on top. Cas moaned, so low and huskily, and Dean felt the shaft of his cock harden. He could feel a rather large bulge on Cas' crotch through Cas' jeans rubbing up against his thigh, and he felt pleasure surge through him, without having being touched.   
"God Cas... So good for me baby... Been wanting you Cas..." Dean groaned out.  
"Dean. Dean. Off," Castiel replied in a low voice, tugging frantically against the front of Dean's sweats. Dean grinned against Castiel's mouth, grabbing the ex- angel's hands and placing them on Cas' bulge. "Dean!" Cas said as Dean led his hands over Cas' crotch. Dean sat up and straddled Cas, taking in every inch of Castiel's bare torso, memorizing every muscle, the valleys and mountains on his abs, his beautiful collarbones. Cas stared back appreciatively at Dean, taking in his dilated pupils, his lips swollen from kissing. Dean leaned back down and began sucking a mark right behind Cas' ear. Castiel groaned, knotting his fingers in Dean's short hair. "Dean..." Dean looked up seductively at the other man before making his way down Castiel's neck and torso. He traced his tongue across Castiel's collarbones, and traced slow circles around his nipples. "Dean! Holy shit... oh Dean... DEAN!" gasped out Cas as Dean suddenly bit down and clamped his teeth around the hard bud of Cas' nipple. He brought his other hand up to Cas' other nipple and began toying with it. Dean moaned at the beautiful sounds escaping from Castiel's mouth. Cas thrashed around, taking one hand off of Dean's head to grope desperately over him, before bringing it down to fist it in the sheets. Dean brought his mouth back up to the other's face, and began licking the jam off of him, keeping his hands on Cas' sensitive nipples. Castiel gasped, fisting faster and faster in the sheets. As Dean traced his tongue over Cas, his hands were working their way down Castiel's body, sliding underneath the waistband of his jeans. "OHGODDEAN!" Cas moaned when he felt Dean's strong, calloused hand wrap around his hard length. Dean lowered back down over Castiel, gripping his jean zipper between his teeth. He pulled it down, and began mouthing Cas' dick over his jeans. "DEAN! Dean please!" groaned the fallen angel. Dean lifted his head and looked right into Cas' eyes.  
"That's right baby boy, so good for me... Love seeing you begging like this Cas... Love knowing you want me, angel," he whispered as he brought his hand out of Cas' jeans, only to yank them down and off. Cas moaned, lying underneath Dean in nothing but plaid boxers Dean had given to him. Dean smiled and mouthed over the fabric on Cas' cock.   
"DEAN! Please! Need you Dean... Need you to suck me Dean..." Cas panted out, eyes flushed with arousal. Dean bit lightly down, and was rewarded by a moan from Cas. He moved up to grab the waistband of the boxers between those gorgeous lips. He pulled the boxers down to Castiel's knees. Cas' impossibly hard dick popped out and slapped his stomach, smearing sticky precome over his abs. Dean brought his mouth over Cas' cock, teasing him. "Oh Dean..." Cas muttered, eyes fluttering shut as Dean flicked out his tongue over the head of Cas' dick. "JESUSHOLYFUCKINGHELLDEAN!" he moaned loudly, feeling Dean sink his tongue lightly into the slit. He could feel Dean's hands grabbing his ass, hard enough to leave bruises later. Then without warning, Dean opened his mouth and took Cas all the way in. Cas could feel his cock hitting the back of Dean's throat. Dean pressed his tongue up against the underside of Castiel's hard dick before hollowing his cheeks and sucking. He pulled off Cas' dick to lap eagerly at the precome leaking steadily. He then took Cas in again, moving his hands to Cas' balls. He rolled them in the sac. He moaned.  
"Taste so good Cas... so good..." he murmured. Cas couldn't help himself as he bucked his hips up into Dean's mouth. He gripped his fingers in Dean's hair.   
"Dean! So amazing... Dean... Feels so good..."  
Dean hollowed his cheeks, holding Cas' hips steady to prevent Cas from fucking his mouth for all he was worth. He sucked, flicking his tongue over the other man's cock, toying with the head. He moved his tongue back down to lick around the underside of the crown, before pulling off Cas with a wet pop. Cas whined at the cold air now hitting his cock. "Dean!" he complained. Dean giggled, but he busied himself with yanking off his sweats. Cas almost came right there seeing that Dean hadn't worn underwear. Dean's dick was swollen and oozing precome as it slapped up against his toned stomach.   
"Cas... Wanna be inside you..."  
Castiel's breath hitched. He nodded. Dean grabbed three pillows, and placed them underneath the other's ass. Cas lifted up his legs and spread them apart.  
"Love seeing you like this Cas... All spread out for me..."   
Cas groaned, and Dean lowered himself so his face was level with Cas' entrance. He pulled Castiel's cheeks apart, before diving in. He ran his tongue around the tight ring of muscle before pressing it in slowly. He tongue fucked Cas, loving every sound he was drawing out of his angel. His angel. He drew back and grabbed lube from the bedside table, sitting up and coating two fingers with it. He sat back, one hand loosely fisting his own hard length. He looked up at Castiel, his face suddenly vulnerable. Castiel nodded once again at Dean, his face so flushed and filled with nervousness and excitement. Dean took a breath before pushing one finger up inside of Cas. He pushed slowly. He stopped once he was on knuckle in.  
"This might burn a little Cas. But I promise you baby, only for a second. Then I'm gonna make you feel so good. So good baby boy."  
Castiel moaned as Dean pushed all the way in, before drawing back out to his first knuckle and pushing in again, slowly, gently. He added a finger. And another, loving the feeling of Castiel stretching to accommodate him.   
"Dean," panted Castiel breathlessly, his hands wrapped around his own cock, "I need you... inside me. Now."  
Dean shivered at something so unbelievably sexy in Cas' voice. He nodded, reaching back over to his bedside table. He grabbed a condom, ripped the package and rolled it over his throbbing penis. Then, staring straight into Castiel's eyes, he lined up the head with Cas' hole. Cas gazed right back at him. Dean pushed the tip in, and Castiel moaned, rolling his hips. Dean pushed the rest of the way in. Cas screamed with pleasure. Dean closed his eyes. His body was flooding with such an intense pleasure from feeling the wet hot heat squeezing his cock.   
"Dean... fuck me. Now."  
That was all Dean needed to start ramming his hips into Castiel, groaning with each thrust. He pushed Cas' hand of his dick and replaced it with his own. He jacked Cas off in time with his thrusts, feeling the electricity radiate between them.   
"Dean... I need to... need to come."  
Dean pulled back so just the tip of his cock was still in Cas, angled it slightly down, began jerking Castiel's dick hard and fast, and slammed into Castiel's prostate. Castiel screamed in pleasure, a string of profanities with Dean's name mixed in. Hot come shooted from Castiel's dick, painting his chest and Dean's hand. Dean felt the hot pulses of Cas' hole contracting around Dean's cock with every burst of Cas' orgasm. It was all Dean needed to send him over the edge. The orgasm was the most intense he had ever felt. After they rode out the aftershocks, Dean collapsed on top of Cas, both panting and weak.   
They lay there just cuddling for a while. It could have been a minute, could have been an hour. Then, Cas leaned down and lightly kissed Dean's nose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of this fic, so comment what other pairings you would like me to write. I have a J2 one out, but I've recently gotten into Wincest. Please comment!


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